While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
