wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize