Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
