my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
