1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
