The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize