i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
