i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
