Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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