How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
