Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it was like eating out sand paper
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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