At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
