Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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