Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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