3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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