Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
