oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
