Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
