All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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