I skipped work to stalk him.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Never underestimate the power of titties
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
