my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
