i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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