I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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