Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
