my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
