He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
