sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I bet he comes in French.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
