We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
