Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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