I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
