btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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