Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
