i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
