If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
