and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
