He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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