I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
