i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
