She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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