wanna go halves on a baby?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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