i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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