How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
