I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
