Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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