somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize