I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
