So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
