I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think i have two assholes
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
