Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
