And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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