I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
