why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
