I need help removing her.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
