my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hippo gnu deer
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
