There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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