I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
