weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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