last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
