Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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