i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
