we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
