they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My dick has a subreddit
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
