actually, I'm a sock model
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
