So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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