3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
