Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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