We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
