This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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