New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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