I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
