And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
