I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
