my phone needs a breathalizer
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
