i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
