dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
