sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
