i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Bring me that man meat
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
