I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
