alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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