I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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