There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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