If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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