I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
