So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
