You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
