You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
