Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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