I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't put those talents on a resume
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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