On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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