Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
