hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize