and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
