If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
