Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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